Her Facts & Feelings
Her Facts & Feelings
August 5, 2023
Read time: 2 minutes
About the Newsletter
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I am married, to my beautiful wife.
Now that our marriage is 2+ years old, the “honeymoon phase” has ended, and we’re into the nitty gritty reality that we’re two different people creating one life together.
The key question:
How can we have a healthy relationship when we’re so different?
Step Outside yourself
If you want a deep relationship with anyone, especially a significant other, you need to step outside yourself & recognize their needs.
In other words, get over yourself & love your person!
Easier said than done, I know.
Here’s a trick I’ve started using to understand (& love) my wife better:
What are her facts & feelings?
Her Facts
Her facts are the information she is operating with.
We process & emphasize information differently.
Staring at the same basket of fruit, my wife & I will process it differently.
So, my first step is asking myself, “What are her facts here? What information is she emphasizing & bringing to our conversation?”
Her Feelings
Her feelings are how she feels about it (complex, I know 😉 ).
After stepping back to see what information she is bringing to the table, I attempt to understand what feelings she has about said information.
Is she happy about this?
Does this cause her pain?
Is she afraid of something?
Emotions trigger responses, sometimes dramatic ones.
If I can understand where my wife is coming from emotionally, I can “put myself in her shoes” much better & grow closer in our relationship through this conflict vs. farther apart.
Summary
So, the next time thoughts like these are flying through your frustrated mind…
Ugh! She is just so difficult!
Why can’t she understand?!
How can we have a healthy relationship when we’re so different?
Stop.
Step back.
Ask yourself, “What are her facts & feelings here?”
Seek first to understand, so you can love.
P.S.This works for understanding & loving your husbands too, ladies 😉
This week's action step
The next time you’re in a tense situation with your significant other:
1) Stop.
2) Step back.
3) Ask yourself, “What are his/her facts & feelings here?”
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